Healthy Workforce
How to Confront a Bully as a Nurse Leader
Practical tips for dealing with bad behavior you don’t witness
Pediatric RN Chloe was known for belittling and intimidating her colleagues, especially newer nurses and ones she didn’t like. Coworkers tiptoed around her to avoid her wrath. However, around the department leader Ayana, Chloe was always respectful, polite, calm, and professional. As the staff’s complaints about Chloe’s conduct piled up, Ayana faced a significant challenge: How could she address bad behavior she hadn’t ever personally witnessed?
Confronting Behavior You Don’t Witness In Person
Just because you don’t experience an employee’s bad behavior doesn’t mean you can’t confront them about it. Follow these three steps:
STEP #1: Assess the credibility of the complaint.
Ask yourself these questions:
(A) Who’s making the charge? Is it someone who loves to gossip and spread rumors, or somebody who wouldn’t complain unless something is genuinely wrong? Is the grievance coming from one person or multiple people?
(B) How serious is it? If the accusations are very serious (like physical violence or harassment based on race or religion), you have an obligation to investigate.
(C) Do you believe it could be true (even if you’re not sure)?
STEP #2: Find out the details.
Before you confront the employee, gather your facts. For example, if you’ve gotten complaints about an employee’s cursing, ask what curse words he’s using and how he acts when he curses. If you are unsure whether to believe a complaint, knowing all these details will often help you make up your mind. Make a note of when the behaviors occurred, or some examples you can bring up.
STEP #3: Schedule a meeting with the employee.
This meeting should take place in your office or another private area. Explain the issue and present your facts. The more specific you can be, the better. Avoid generic phrases like “behaving unprofessionally” — some employees may not realize that there’s anything wrong with their actions.
Avoiding Land mines When Confronting a Bully
During the meeting, don’t get tripped up by common defensive tactics.
TACTIC #1: Evasion
When confronted, some employees may deny everything (“That’s a lie!”), try to make you second-guess yourself (“Did you ever see me do this?”), or guilt-trip you (“How could you think this about me?”). Your best response is to stick to the facts. Say something like, “I’ve never personally seen you behave this way, but I believe it could be true.”
TACTIC #2: Distraction
Some bullies will try to throw you off track with a litany of questions or irrelevant details. This is just an attempt to distract you, so shut it down by saying something like, “That isn’t important to me right now. What’s important is your behavior and how it impacts the unit and patient care.”
TACTIC #3: Finger-Pointing
Some bullies are very good at playing the victim. As soon as your meeting is over, they may run straight to HR to file a complaint against YOU! Your best defense is to give your HR representative a heads-up BEFORE you confront the employee. Don’t give the bully a chance to catch you off guard.
It can be tempting to just ignore bad behavior. But, by following these steps and watching out for land mines, you can confidently confront — and halt — bullying in your area.
RENEE THOMPSON, RN, DNP, FAAN, CSP, is the CEO and founder of the Healthy Workforce Institute (healthyworkforceinstitute.com).
JASMIN MORA is a freelance illustrator. Reach her at jasminmora.com.
In this Article: Bullying and Incivility, Career Advice, Leadership and Management
